June 23, 2007

• London Beauty

  The Tube (London Underground train system) is usually my mode of transport in the capital but on Sunday mornings when I work the day shifts, the bus is the alternative as the Tube doesn’t run until 7am. The bus journey from my home to the company used to be doused in darkness but last Sunday, it was perfect daylight. And it’d dawned on me as the bus negotiated the near-empty roads with me perched on my window seat gazing out at the passing empty streets and surroundings, London is beautifully scenic. Each road turn revealed environs of architectural buildings each with their own distinctive history dating from decades to centuries. With music gently throbbing my eardrums – my camera phone also incorporates a MP3 player (I love my mobile!) - it was a sweet journey.  

  Last night I’d met an old friend who was out with her fiance and former colleagues at a place I’d never been to. The area seemed exemplified by restored buildings housing trendy bars and restaurants and populated by arty and media types. And no sign of tourists anywhere. Perfect. I have to return to try the restaurants, armed with my camera.  

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  The Metrosexual Is Dead. Long Live The Retrosexual

  According to a London newspaper I was reading the other day, only 3% of women would now want a metrosexual as a partner. “Rather than fashion sensibility, 81% want a man who is dependable with a subtle caring side.” Hmm, I wonder how that would affect two of my friends who spend literally eons in the fitting room when they shop for clothes?

  The article continues: “It may sound medieval but 37% of women want a man who would stand up for her in a fight.” I suppose the remaining 63% can beat the living daylights out of the other in a fight.

  “A retrosexual man has purpose. All women love a man who is purposeful. He is also fearless. So many men fear women and this is not healthy or particularly attractive. A healthy dominance is good. It is attractive for a man to take control of a situation. A man who does this is certain of himself.” This definitely doesn’t apply to one particular arsehole. Take heed, all you male doormats of this world. There’s absolutely no hope for you at all!

  “Relationship expert Tony Vee believes many men fall down by not being in control of a dating situation. A man who is pleasing is just trying to get you. He thinks that by being nice, a woman will like him more, but most women don’t go for pleasers. What would you prefer? A man who calls you and says ‘Where do you want to go tonight?’ or a man who says, ‘Put on something gorgeous, I’m taking you somewhere really special?’” Like a fast-food joint. In my own personal experience, more often than not my female friends know the best restaurants to eat more than the guys. So Mr. Vee, am I right to assume that according to your so-called expertise, a woman wouldn’t want a man to please her in bed? Would I also be right to assume you wouldn’t even know how to please a woman in bed?   

  
  The Do’s And Don’ts of a Retrosexual

  1. Don’t consult her over the first three dates. Organise them yourself. I suppose that it wouldn’t matter by the fourth date as you would have done her by then??

  2. Do conceal penchants for facials and manicures for a couple of months. She’s letting you believe she’s naturally beautiful so do the same. Unless she thinks she is dating a complete idiot who believes women don’t ever employ the use of cosmetic products.

  3. Don’t see dates as spaces to pour your heart out. She doesn’t know you well enough to really care. Any guy who does might be a cheapskate as it is considerably cheaper than therapy.

  4. Don’t look too styled – for pub dates, jeans and a semi-fitted T-shirt will do. No asymmetrical haircuts or highlights. Guys who would take a girl to a pub for a date generally have no style anyway.

  5. Do make sure she gets home in one piece. Show her chivalry is not dead. And how would you get home yourself, especially if she lives miles away? Ask if you could crash at her place for the night? That might be a good idea!  

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  Asian Trip: Tiger Leaping Gorge, Lijiang, China

  Wednesday 2nd May 2007

  The previous night I’d managed to book a day trip to Tiger Leaping Gorge with a local Naxi travel agency rather than one run by the Han Chinese. The only problem was ensuring that their sole limited English speaking agent unequivocably understood I wanted the one day trip and not the two which includes an overnight stay. The meeting time was eight o’clock in the morning and around twelve people had gathered. An estimated 95% of the tourists in Lijiang are Mainlanders or are of Asian origin with the rest Caucasians. In my trekking group, there was only one Caucasian: a woman in her late 40′s or early 50′s. Aside from the two guides, she’d appearred to be the only other one speaking English.

  During the three hour journey to the Gorge, I’d chatted to this woman. Her name is Shirley, lives near Vancouver and has been travelling in Asia for about two months, most of them with friends and her two daughters. We’d exchanged travel stories and she’d managed to convince me to visit Laos one day. Taiwan, Nepal and India are the only remaining countries left on my to-see list for Asia. Indonesia and Burma hold no interest or any appeal to me. Naturally, I’d interrogated Shirley about Vancouver and the surrounding areas for a planned trip there next year.

  Click on pics to enlarge  

  

  The first stop was to a temple near the edge of a cliff.

  

  This was when I’d regretted not being able to purchase a wide-angle lens during my one day stay in Hong Kong.

  

  Second stop was to a market

  

  The tiny juicy tomatoes and strawberries are in abundant supply in Lijiang and are sold everywhere

  

  A spaceship has landed!

  

  A view to the top

  

  The precipitous gorge behind me with the fast-flowing Golden Sands (Jingsha) River

  

  Out of sight in the picture but to the right are guesthouses where we had lunch 

  

  Then it was onward to the trek down to Tiger Leaping Gorge

  

  Hundreds of tourists appearring like ants

  

  My group

  

  Although the trek was downwards, it was exhausting due to the heat and high altitude

  

  Made it

  

  The picture fails to capture the ferocity of the rushing Jingsha River. If you fall in then it’s bye-bye, nice knowing ya.

  

  The narrowest point of the Gorge where I was informed that according to ancient legend, a tiger leaped from one end to the other hence the name.

  

  I had to snap the sign quickly as the no-mannered Mainlanders do not understand the concept of queuing or not blocking a photographer’s shot. So when in Rome…

  

  The worst part of the trek was going back up!

  
  Pic taken with camera phone

  Evidently, there were a few locals on the trail touting for business to carry tourists up the gorge. This woman was arguing after the locals only carried her up to this point. 

  
  Pic taken with camera phone

  They were telling her to hire a pony to complete the climb…which she did.

  My group headed out in the mini-bus just as heavy rain and strong winds arrived. I was commenting to Shirley about how dangerous the trek would be if we had got caught in the sudden change. The trail is steep and would become muddy and slippery in the rain. If you slip and fall into the Jingsha River…

  It transpired that there were a couple of tourists who could speak English in my group. Han, who is from Beijing, her boyfriend, Jiang, from Singapore, and a Korean working in China who is also a keen photographer. With another local, Bei, who is English challenged, Han suggested we go to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain the following day as it would work out cheaper as a group. At a stroke, Han solved my problem of how to get to see the Mountain.  

  

  Upon returning to Lijiang I was eager to photograph the Old Town at night 

  

  Most of the Old Town illuminates a hue of crimson at night with even more tourists gathering as they return from their day trips

  

  Restaurants beside the canal

  

  Candle lit lanterns on sale for making a wish before releasing it down the canal. I’d wished for winning the lottery and being Jessica Alba’s male bitch plaything. 

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  Never Lie To Your Mother

  A young man called Alan invited his mother for dinner.

  During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome Alan’s flatmate, Peter, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Alan and his flatmate than meets the eye.

  Reading his mum’s thoughts, Alan volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Peter and I are just flatmates”.

  About a week later, Peter came to Alan saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the frying pan, you don’t suppose she took it do you?”

  “Well I doubt it, but I’ll e-mail her just to be sure,” said Alan.

  So he sat down and wrote:

  Dear Mother,

  I’m not saying that you “did” take the frying pan from my house, but I’m not saying you “did not” take the frying pan, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

  Love
  Alan 

  Several days later, Alan received an email from his mother which read:

  Dear Son,

  I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Peter, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with Peter, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the fucking frying pan by now!

  Love
  Mother 
  
  Lesson of the day: Never lie to your Mother!

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  Porn Deterrent?

  

   

  • 9:39 pm
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