January 5, 2008

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  A Case Of The Andersons

  
  

  There seem to be too many directors by the surname of Anderson working in Hollywood these days. By too many I’d meant just one. The directors in question are Paul Thomas Anderson, Paul W.S. Anderson and Wes Anderson. And they are all releasing films within months of each other. Two of them are exceptional directors and the other absolute crap who should be abducted by aliens to spare us all his crimes against humanity. And that particular Anderson is still working due to his dire movies making money because enough dumb people pay to watch them either in the cinema or on DVD. If you haven’t guessed which Anderson I am referring to, it’s Paul W.S. the king of awful video game adaptations and the habinger of shit films.     

  
  

  P.W.S. Anderson is British so it is reassuring to know that the UK export mediocre talent (such as Danny Cannon and the aforementioned) in addition to gifted directors (Chris Nolan, Sam Mendes, Ridley Scott) to compete with the other high-profile American directors that produce garbage (stand up Brett Ratner, McG, Tim Story). 

  
  

  
  Paul W.S. Anderson
  

  
  

  
  P W.S Anderson with partner Milla Jovovich

  
  

  
  Shopping (1994) – P.W.S. Anderson’s first film starring debutant Jude Law where he met his wife, Sadie Frost. It was during my sophomore year at film school when controversy engulfed the film’s release in the UK due to the subject matter: committing robberies of stores by ramming cars into the shop window. Everyone in my class who saw the film thought it was, well, shit. It’d spawned my mindset that the huge majority of British films made since the 90s are rubbish, and it still rings true today.   

  
  

  Mortal Kombat (1995) – the one film that Anderson directed that I’d actually liked but the reasons why are: I was an avid fan of the video game; the film was made before the dramatic advancement of CGI; I haven’t seen the film since that visit in the cinema and if viewed again, I would probably hate it.

  
  

  Event Horizon (1997) – the success of Mortal Kombat led to a bigger budget and recognisable actors but not a better film. Characters were one dimesional, scary moments scarce, and lost count of the films Anderson was ripping off from.

  
  

  Soldier (1998) – so bad and yet unintentionally funny.

  
  

  Resident Evil (2002) – patchy script, awful dialogue, wooden acting, ropey effects, suspense free.

  
  

  AVP: Alien Vs Predator (2004) – Anderson almost single-handedly killed this franchise at birth with his “vision” of the graphic novel and video game. The sequel surely cannot be any worse?

  
  

  Death Race (2008) – Anderson’s remake of 70s cult hit Death Race 2000. No trailer available.

  
  

  Studio executives never learn, do they? Anderson is currently working on another video game adaptation, Spy Hunter, scheduled for release in 2009. You have been warned.

  
  

  
  Wes Anderson
  
   
  Wes Anderson at the New York Film Festival

  
  

  
  Rushmore (1998) – the film that redefined comedian Bill Murray as a serious and fine character actor.

  
  

  The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) – my favourite Wes Anderson film so far: witty script, eccentric and well-rounded characters complimented with excellent performances from a fine ensemble cast.

  
  

  The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004) – saturated imagery blended with quirky characters in bizarre situations make interesting film, at least in the hands of Wes.

  
  

  The Darjeeling Limited (2007) – not seen yet.
  

  
  

  
  Paul Thomas Anderson

  
  

   
  P.T. Anderson directing Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood

  
  

  
  Hard Eight (1996) – not seen yet but will get around to it eventually.

  
  

  Boogie Nights (1997) – who would have thought a film about the porn industry with a 70s feel would be so good? This is the film that showed Mark Wahlberg can act. 

  
  

  Magnolia (1999) – a film in the Robert Altman mode interweaving several storylines into a coherent whole. Tom Cruise gives an electrifying performance in a supporting role.

  
  

  Punch-Drunk Love (2002) – Adam Sadler demonstrating his acting credentials in his first serious role and not at all annoying.

  
  

  There Will Be Blood (2007) – not released in the UK yet but the hype on this film seems justified, from the sterling performance by Daniel Day Lewis to the epic score by Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood. The film has already garnered several critics’ awards and is a strong favourite for the Oscar.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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  India Trip

  
  

  Jaipur Sunday 18th November 2007

  
  

  My flight from Delhi to Jaipur was delayed by five hours completely ruining my itinerary for Jaipur as a result. It was my intention to spend the afternoon visiting Amber Fort upon arrival at my hotel but I didn’t check in until around 8pm. During my wait at Delhi domestic airport, I’d noticed that all the flights were delayed by at least an hour. This is Indian efficency for you. 

  
  

  
  Jaipur – Monday 19th November 2007

  
  

  Early start. Early breakfast.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  Pic taken with camera phone

  
  

  The hotel restaurant is located on the roof 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  Pic taken with camera phone

  
  

  Where I’d stayed: the Umaid Mahal Hotel
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Entrance to the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the City Palace
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Jantar Mantar – the largest stone observatory in the world 
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside the Jantar Mantar
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Amber Fort in the distance as seen from Jantar Mantar
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Jaipur is renowned for its pink buildings

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Chaotic streets commonplace everywhere in India
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Hawa Mahal - the Palace of Wind
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Entrance into the Hawa Mahal 
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside Hawa Mahal
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside Hawa Mahal
  
  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Inside Hawa Mahal 
  
  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  View of Jaipur from Hawa Mahal
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Inside Hawa Mahal
  
  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Street life
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Street life
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  The swastika is a Hindu symbol for good luck and success
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  A religious figure pouring water for locals to drink
  
  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Street life
  
  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Street life
  
  

  
  

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  Old People Football

  
  

  An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.”
  
  His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”
  
  The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.”
  
  A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”
  
  After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7.”
  
  Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”
  
  Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”
  
  Now the pressure’s on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.
  
  The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”
  
  The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides.”

  
  

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  Beer Is Important

  
  

  

  
  

   
  

  • 1:10 pm
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