January 14, 2011
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Weddings
After four years of avoiding attending any weddings, this year I will be attending three. One in New York and two in my hometown of Liverpool. I’m looking forward to the one in the Big Apple as it has been three years since my last visit to my spiritual home and it will be fantastic to see my friends again. However, it will be the last wedding in the year that holds the most significance as someone close to me will be getting married. And it is that wedding that has reeled into sharp focus, in my own humble opinion, the immense absurdity of the wedding business.
Maybe it is the cynic in me talking… actually it is most definitely the cynic in me talking as I roll my eyes at it all. I was talking to a married friend who remarked about how some of her female friends transform into Bridezilla over the planning of their dream wedding. From an objective point of view, it looks like a competition between the women to see who can outdo each other in terms of grandness. And to hell with the cost. Even if it will mean years of financial austerity. Any sense of pragmatism goes out the window. Of course I am not referring to this person close to me as she is planning her wedding to within budget constraints.
I’m not a big fan of Chinese weddings. I’d attended so many over the years that unless I am close or good friends to one of the couple getting hitched I just won’t go. Why? In my eyes, Chinese weddings seem too focused on money. Some Chinese people plan their wedding and guest list purely to profit from it. A long time ago, I’d attended a Chinese wedding in Liverpool where the bride and groom spread their banquet over two days to maximize the amount of guest attendance. More guests equates to more red packets being received as gifts. It is a Chinese custom to give money inside a red packet as a wedding gift. I was present on the second day and towards the end of the banquet the groom was bragging about how much money he’d made from the red packets. That attitude just disgusted me.
A few years ago at a friend’s Chinese wedding banquet in London, after all the courses had been served and consumed, the bride’s mother decided it was the perfect time to plant empty red packets on each table. There were a few perplexed and disgusted faces on my table. Why? Because we had bought gifts detailed on their wedding list. As I was regaling this to a Vietnamese friend the other day, she commented her disgust at one Chinese wedding where the people at the reception opened each red packet that was handed in and proceeded to write down the amount and the name of the contributor!
When I was engaged a few years ago, my fiancee (who isn’t Chinese) and I were planning our wedding, I quickly decided there will be no Chinese customs adopted for the ceremony or banquet. No red packets will be expected. And only family and close friends will be invited. There have been many Chinese weddings where the bride and groom greet relatives and their parents’ friends whom they do not know and were only invited at their parents’ behest. Although I understand the bride and groom wanting to please their parents, at the end of the day who’s wedding is it? Another friend constantly complained about her husband’s parents interfering when they were planning their wedding.
I’d joked to my married friends that if I ever get engaged again and my partner turned out to be a Bridezilla then I will swiftly dump her. Although I was joking, it did focused my mind that a more pragmatic woman would be a more compatible fit for me. If and when I do get married, I think I will elope.
First Look
The first official photo released by Sony of Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man in their reboot of the franchise. The costume is slightly different from the classic Spidey design and I’m not sure if I like it.
Director Marc Webb is an unusual choice after only making one feature film: (500) Days Of Summer which I’d liked very much. He has assembled a cracking cast though: Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, Denis Leary as her father, Martin Sheen as Uncle Ben, Sally Field as Aunt May, and Rhys Ifans as the Lizard.
Wedding Traditions
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”
His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”
He Loves Her Really
Comments (12)
how come i see a lot of bride shots lately?
got excited when i saw the spidey movie pic. young spiderman looks awesome and i wonder if they’ll feature one of the worst moments of marvel comic history when poor gwen’s neck snapped.
Wedding banquet spread over 2 days, placing empty red pockets on the tables, and hand-writing names and amount of presents, that is getting way way out of hand. Good grief.
I’ve been fortunate that the Chinese weddings I’ve gone haven’t focused on the money. The odd thing is that I have never gotten a thank you card or note. I was told afterwards that it is not a Chinese tradition to send a thank you note. There are a few reality type TV shows that focus on bridezillas and groomzillas… I just don’t understand how they can still stay together afterwards. If I had it my way, I’d rather it be an informal, fun affair.
POOR MEN.
You know, one thing about weddings that make it so difficult (especially Chinese ones) is that the weddings are more for the parents and their show of face than it is for the bride and groom. Tawn and I had a very small, intimate wedding (less than 30 guests at the reception) and even my sister’s wedding was kept relatively small. The rule of thumb in my mind is that if the bride and groom are not going to have time to visit for at least a few minutes with each of the guests, the list is too big.
you know, i’m so in agreement with you. here in in jakarta i’ve attended weddings where the guests are in hundreds and both the bride and groom don’t even know them. yup, they are the friends and business associates of the parents. it’s all about showing face, bro. it’s disgusting. i know, i know, the parents are so happy they just want to share it with the whole world, but who’s wedding is it anyway, right? i feel sorry for the bride and groom. i for one will definitely elope. i don’t need all those red envelopes. i just need the approval of my immediate family and close friends and then some privacy. that’s all.
I totally agree with you on most of the points, but writing down the amounts isn’t to judge people or be greedy. It’s so that when you go to their wedding/special event, you can reciprocate accordingly (slightly more, if possible). The people your friend saw maybe could have done it more discreetly, though, jeez…
My favourite terrible Asian wedding moment was when a bride I know was actually photographed by the wedding photographer while she was rifling through all the cards (ie money) during an in-between-outfit-changes moment. I’m wondering if the photographer was thinking “let’s get a shot of her true colours”…
Oh gawd, I’m in total agreement with you. Why spend so much money and be in debt over one event when after the wedding, real life awaits? I have seen Bridezilla in some people I know too. Gawd, my ex-fiancee was the same: “invite more people so we get more presents”… that’s was a turn-off, and that’s when I started thinking even more about the engagement. He even wanted the wedding to be a spectacle, he wanted to plan everything. I was like, wow. How peculiar. How greedy… Eventually I broke it off. I decided too, if I ever get hitched, I would elope as well. ugh!
Currently, I am wondering if I am just being too jaded or is my being practical because I have observed and experienced enough around me?
Haha, Love the Wedding Traditions joke!
@Renatojr3 - Let’s hope that happens in the sequel and Mary Jane is introduced… and this time she’s not miscast!
@ElusiveWords - I have received thank you cards from some friends whose Chinese weddings I have attended. I guess it’s not for everybody.
@cobaltheart - He sounds more like the woman LOL!!
Hey, Happy Birthday!! I hope it’s a great one!