WTF

March hasn’t even dipped its toe yet this year to
announce the eventual arrival of blossoming Spring and so much has
happened to friends around me. One has suffered a stroke but is making
progress in her recovery; another has lost his devoted father to
cancer; and a long time friend has separated from her husband. They
have two young kids. On the bright side, a friend has just given birth
to her first child; and another had mailed invites to her forthcoming
wedding in June.

I can’t shake the feeling that 2008 will
deliver an abundance of transitional change to people I know. I just
wonder what is in store for me.

I’ll be off to my favourite city from this weekend onwards. See you all back here in a couple of weeks!

EDIT - I’d just returned from holiday today to discover that one of my colleagues had passed away. Apparently he was suddenly taken ill last week and had suffered a cardiac arrest and was put on life support. His family took the decision to switch it off on Monday. He leaves behind a loving wife and three children. My thoughts are with his family.

I dread to think what else may happen this year…

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Mensa Invitational

Here
is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here
are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone: The substance that surrounds stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11.
Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16
. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The
Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist. 
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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Flight Of The Conchords

If you haven’t caught this comedy series, then perhaps you should. Especially if you’re a music fan. Flight of the Conchords tells of two wannabe musicians from New Zealand attempting to make it in America. The show first began as a series on radio for the BBC before morphing into television courtesy of HBO. By my own admission, I found the humour to be hit and miss but the songs are bordering on genius. Three of my colleagues have become diehard fans. One of them even constantly plays the music in his car and looking to buy the t-shirts.

Here are two of my favourites but you might have to watch the respective episode in order to understand the lyrics’ meaning.

In this episode the dynamic duo are about to be robbed before breaking out a number… 

Brett had written a song for a girl he is dating…

 

 

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Diary Of A House Husband

This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soo easy I thought I would share it with you.

1). Make the beds……
What a waste of effort, we’re only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.

2). Pick up dog poop in yard…….
It snowed last night, I don’t see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.

3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners…….
Duh, I’m on vacation I don’t need them. Scratch three.

This is easy, what’s the fuss.
Think I’ll go on the computer for a while.

4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet…….
Uhhhh that’s a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.

5). Mop kitchen floor…..
The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five.

Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6). Find something fun for the kids to do…..
That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun. Scratch six.

This is way too easy! I’ll have lots of time for the computer.

7). Vacuum the carpets……
That’s a hard one…….
Hey kids wanna have some more FUN. Scratch seven.

8). Feed kids lunch…..
Hey kids, don’t you have a friends house to go too? YESSSS Scratch eight !!

9). Clean out hallway closet……
Hmmmm another hard one. That’s it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed. Scratch nine.

Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishes.

10). Do laundry…..
no problem I can do that while I’m on the computer. Scratch ten.

11). Fold laundry…..
Dang, ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool. Scratch eleven.

12) Put the laundry away….
Baskets in bedrooms work for me. Scratch twelve.

This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???

13). Water the Christmas tree…
Oop’s!… good thing the carpet is absorbent. Scratch thirteen.

14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper…….
These old newspapers will do, besides, that’s recycling & that’s good for the earth….Scratch fourteen.

15). Pick up the kids ……
Yeah right; we’re talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off. They’ll be back. Scratch fifteen.

Wonder who’s on the computer. I have plenty of time.

16). Make dinner…..
Easy, “Hello do you deliver? Uhh, double that, ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow.” Scratch sixteen.

17). Clean out the dog house……
Duh the dog sleeps in our bed, like that needs to be done. Scratch seventeen.

WOW all done. Man this is sooooo easy. Still time for some more puter and a nap….. Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they’re working.

Wish I was a chick!

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Dog In Disguise

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Need To Write

For the past few weeks, I’d almost forgot that I have a blog such is the lull in writing entries. The realisation that too many people I know have access played a major/minor factor. I’d toyed with the idea of closing this blog down and open a new one elsewhere under a new alias as most of my xanga buddies have either:

1. Closed their accounts
2. Stopped writing 
3. Stopped commenting
4. Been abducted by aliens

But the sentiment is too strong. Despite the quietness, 346 xangans still remain subscribed to my blog for whatever reason. So apart from future travel entries and some posts of minor seriousness, my future entries will be posted in protected mode. Any recent subscribers who would like to be added to the PP list, please let me know.   

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The Great Bonfire

As many people are aware, one of London’s famous landmarks, Camden Market, suffered a major fire a couple of weeks ago.

Pic taken with camera phone

I was at work that evening and the fire was raging right opposite my company building. Fortunately, the only thing that separated my company and the spreading inferno was the canal. It made for a spectacular spectacle as my colleagues and I watched from the safety confines of the balcony but we could still feel the heat despite the distance.  

We were eventually evacuated by order of the police and over two hours were spent in the local pub waiting for instructions from our bosses. All drinks and food were to be claimed on expenses. Nice! We had to then journey to the other branch of our company and wait for the all clear from the police. My supervisor and the chief engineer almost got arrested for attempting to break the condoned area to sneak back into the building to check the condition of our channels.

The Hawley Arms, the local pub frequented by Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss was severely damaged by the fire. The following Monday at work, this email was circulating among various departments:

Note: Don’t ever get on the wrong side of Kate xxxxxxx. Hawley Arms cancelled her booking for last Friday’s evening do at the last minute – on Saturday evening the Hawley Arms goes up in smoke. 

Class!

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Insults I Would Use

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap – always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here’s 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

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Cool Truck

 

Race Still On

Now that Super Tuesday is over and the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination is still a close race between Clinton and Obama, I’m wondering whether voters for Obama were subconsciously influenced by the series “24″?

Shades of President Palmer, anyone? Both the fictional President and the wannabe exhibit charismatic grace, adroit leadership, and an altruistic nature.

Just my imagination running amok yet again…

Mortality

I’d just learned that a friend of mine had suffered a stroke. She is only in her mid-thirties, a non-smoker, eats healthily and exercise occasionally. She underwent a heart operation in 2006 and spent the best part of a year recuperating before returning to work. A message was sent out that any visits are to be arranged via her mother who’d flew in from New York.

Two of my close friends’ fathers had been admitted into hospital recently. One has been discharged but the other is still receiving treatment.     

These events really hit home about our own mortality.

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India Trip

Mumbai – Thursday 22nd November 2007

I had a few hours to spare before my flight to Delhi so I’d wandered about in a market that I’d stumbled upon in Colaba.

There were only three tourists including myself in the entire market

I’d wondered how much business is conducted at the clinic!

Just when a local was asking me about my photography, he’d quickly scarpered at the sight of this police truck.

The majority of the market stalls were either frenetically moving their entire goods or hiding some of the produce.  

Officers inspecting the stalls

Street devoid of vendors

Plain clothes officers waiting

Once the police had left, the vendors reemerged with their goods

Sugar cane drink sold here. No, I didn’t try it.

Delhi – Friday 23rd November 2007 

I had a couple of hours to kill before heading to the airport for my return flight to London so I’d explored the vicinity of Karol Bagh where I’d stayed the night. Karol Bagh is the shopping mecca of Delhi and so it was unfortunate that by the time of my arrival the previous night the bazaars had closed. No surprise it was due to a delayed flight.  

Pic taken with camera phone

Vendors moving stock in time for opening

Pic taken with camera phone

I’d noticed a large percentage of shoes and jewelery are sold here

Pic taken with camera phone

A woman’s paradise no doubt

Pic taken with camera phone

At least someone is selling fresh fruit

Pic taken with camera phone

Clothes, clothes and more clothes

I’m glad I’d finally managed to finish posting about my trip to India before February!

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Not So Dumb Blonde

A blonde woman found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. 

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Warning Licence Plate

 

Arty Farty

I was back in my hometown of Liverpool recently and I’d took the opportunity to pay a visit to the Tate Britain gallery, and in particular, to view the exhibition of the works that were shortlisted for the Turner Prize.

Taken with camera phone

Incredibly, it was my first visit since the Tate Modern’s sibling’s opening in 1988.

Taken with camera phone

Taken with camera phone

The light bulbs are supposed to represent breasts, the bucket the vagina and the fluorescent tube a penis. Don’t recall what the mattress represents.

Taken with camera phone

Taken with camera phone

Andy Warhol room

Taken with camera phone

Taken with camera phone

My snapping spree was abruptly halted when a staff member politely informed me that photography is prohibited.

Taken with camera phone

One of the shortlisted for the Turner Prize – I’d managed to photographed it when there was nobody about.  

Taken with camera phone

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Indian Trip 

Mumbai – Tuesday 20th November 2007 

Unsurprisingly, the flight to Mumbai from Jaipur was delayed by an hour followed by a clueless taxi driver’s inability to find my hotel. By the time I’d checked in it was already 5pm. I’d quickly packed my camera bag and headed out to the Gothic designed Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus – known as Victoria Terminus during Colonial times. 

It is a train station but the interior is rather uninspiring. The main street leading towards the CST is littered with vendors retailing in pirated merchandise.

A nearby building which attracted my attention

Another interesting building on my way to the popular tourist of Colaba…

…where the Gateway of India is located.

And also the Taj Mahal Hotel…although I was rather unimpressed with it.

One of the minor entrance to the Taj Mahal Hotel.

 
Mumbai – Wednesday 21st November 2007 

The following day I’d returned to the Gateway of India to board a boat to Elephanta Island.

Upon arrival on the island, you can walk or board this vehicle for transportation to the other end of the promenade.

Stairs leading to the cave temples

One of the cave temples

Hindu deities are craved onto the solid rock

Monkeys roam freely on Elephanta Island

Baby monkey hitching a ride

View of the Taj Mahal Hotel and the Gateway of India from the returning boat

After lunch I’d took a long stroll from Colaba all the way to Marine Drive where it is often cited as a wonderful place for walks towards Chowpatty Beach to watch the sun set. When illuminated, Marine Drive is described as amazing. Well, I’m wondering if these people have ever actually travelled anywhere besides India? In my personal and impartial opinion, both Marine Drive and Chowpatty Beach are intoxicating in the defecating sense. Marine Drive is as interesting as a public toilet and is just as pungent. Even Manila’s Bay Walk surpasses Marine Drive in charm and that’s saying something considering it ranks well below my impressed list. When Marine Drive was illuminated, it was amazing…as in amazingly shit.  

Marine Drive 

Taken with camera phone

Locals preparing for the sunset on Chowpatty Beach 

Taken with camera phone

What passes for a funfair

Taken with camera phone

Locals waiting for the sun to set

Taken with camera phone

My, don’t I have long legs? Er, I don’t.

Thanks to the dense pollution, the sunset radiates an orange-brown hue

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Hooker Tax

One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution.

The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation.

She said she’d have to go home and think about it and that she’d call him back in a hour with her occupation.

An hour later she called him and said, “I’ve got it… I’m a chicken farmer.”

He said, “How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution?”

She said, “I’d raised over a thousand cocks last year.”

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Need A Job?

A Case Of The Andersons

There seem to be too many directors by the surname of Anderson working in Hollywood these days. By too many I’d meant just one. The directors in question are Paul Thomas Anderson, Paul W.S. Anderson and Wes Anderson. And they are all releasing films within months of each other. Two of them are exceptional directors and the other absolute crap who should be abducted by aliens to spare us all his crimes against humanity. And that particular Anderson is still working due to his dire movies making money because enough dumb people pay to watch them either in the cinema or on DVD. If you haven’t guessed which Anderson I am referring to, it’s Paul W.S. the king of awful video game adaptations and the habinger of shit films.     

P.W.S. Anderson is British so it is reassuring to know that the UK export mediocre talent (such as Danny Cannon and the aforementioned) in addition to gifted directors (Chris Nolan, Sam Mendes, Ridley Scott) to compete with the other high-profile American directors that produce garbage (stand up Brett Ratner, McG, Tim Story). 

Paul W.S. Anderson

P W.S Anderson with partner Milla Jovovich

Shopping (1994) – P.W.S. Anderson’s first film starring debutant Jude Law where he met his wife, Sadie Frost. It was during my sophomore year at film school when controversy engulfed the film’s release in the UK due to the subject matter: committing robberies of stores by ramming cars into the shop window. Everyone in my class who saw the film thought it was, well, shit. It’d spawned my mindset that the huge majority of British films made since the 90s are rubbish, and it still rings true today.   

Mortal Kombat (1995) – the one film that Anderson directed that I’d actually liked but the reasons why are: I was an avid fan of the video game; the film was made before the dramatic advancement of CGI; I haven’t seen the film since that visit in the cinema and if viewed again, I would probably hate it.

Event Horizon (1997) – the success of Mortal Kombat led to a bigger budget and recognisable actors but not a better film. Characters were one dimesional, scary moments scarce, and lost count of the films Anderson was ripping off from.

Soldier (1998) – so bad and yet unintentionally funny.

Resident Evil (2002) – patchy script, awful dialogue, wooden acting, ropey effects, suspense free.

AVP: Alien Vs Predator (2004) – Anderson almost single-handedly killed this franchise at birth with his “vision” of the graphic novel and video game. The sequel surely cannot be any worse?

Death Race (2008) – Anderson’s remake of 70s cult hit Death Race 2000. No trailer available.

Studio executives never learn, do they? Anderson is currently working on another video game adaptation, Spy Hunter, scheduled for release in 2009. You have been warned.

Wes Anderson

 
Wes Anderson at the New York Film Festival

Rushmore (1998) – the film that redefined comedian Bill Murray as a serious and fine character actor.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) – my favourite Wes Anderson film so far: witty script, eccentric and well-rounded characters complimented with excellent performances from a fine ensemble cast.

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004) – saturated imagery blended with quirky characters in bizarre situations make interesting film, at least in the hands of Wes.

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) – not seen yet.

Paul Thomas Anderson

 
P.T. Anderson directing Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood

Hard Eight (1996) – not seen yet but will get around to it eventually.

Boogie Nights (1997) – who would have thought a film about the porn industry with a 70s feel would be so good? This is the film that showed Mark Wahlberg can act. 

Magnolia (1999) – a film in the Robert Altman mode interweaving several storylines into a coherent whole. Tom Cruise gives an electrifying performance in a supporting role.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) – Adam Sadler demonstrating his acting credentials in his first serious role and not at all annoying.

There Will Be Blood (2007) – not released in the UK yet but the hype on this film seems justified, from the sterling performance by Daniel Day Lewis to the epic score by Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood. The film has already garnered several critics’ awards and is a strong favourite for the Oscar.

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India Trip

Jaipur Sunday 18th November 2007

My flight from Delhi to Jaipur was delayed by five hours completely ruining my itinerary for Jaipur as a result. It was my intention to spend the afternoon visiting Amber Fort upon arrival at my hotel but I didn’t check in until around 8pm. During my wait at Delhi domestic airport, I’d noticed that all the flights were delayed by at least an hour. This is Indian efficency for you. 

Jaipur – Monday 19th November 2007

Early start. Early breakfast.

Pic taken with camera phone

The hotel restaurant is located on the roof 

Pic taken with camera phone

Where I’d stayed: the Umaid Mahal Hotel

Entrance to the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Inside the City Palace

Jantar Mantar – the largest stone observatory in the world 

Inside the Jantar Mantar

Amber Fort in the distance as seen from Jantar Mantar

Jaipur is renowned for its pink buildings

Chaotic streets commonplace everywhere in India

Hawa Mahal - the Palace of Wind

Entrance into the Hawa Mahal 

Inside Hawa Mahal

Inside Hawa Mahal

 

Inside Hawa Mahal 

 

View of Jaipur from Hawa Mahal

Inside Hawa Mahal

 

Street life

Street life

The swastika is a Hindu symbol for good luck and success

A religious figure pouring water for locals to drink

 

Street life

 

Street life

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Old People Football

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”

Now the pressure’s on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”

The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides.”

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Beer Is Important

 

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays!

After all the stressful shopping and cooking, may you all take the time to reflect on what’s important… leaving me lots of comments and stars!

Have a good one!

 

India Trip

Delhi – Saturday 17th November 2007

My excursion in the Indian capital on an incredibly hazy day was haphazard for photography. The intense pollution didn’t help either.

Parliament Square

Parliament Square

Armed guards

Parliament Square

Parliament Square

Cars for government officials

Gate of India

View from the side

Locals at the Gate of India 1

Indians have an unusual fascination with Caucasians with many asking them to pose in their group photos.

Local snack 

Locals at the Gate of India 2

Locals at the Gate of India 3

Locals at the Gate of India 4

Locals at the Gate of India 5

Locals at the Gate of India 6

Locals at the Gate of India 7

Locals at the Gate of India 8

Locals at the Gate of India 9

Locals at the Gate of India 10

Connaught Place is said to be the tourist magnet comprising of shops and restaurants. I found both to be uninspiring and boring. It is beyond my comprehension why tourists would want to stay at this prosaic place. Gangs of con artists operate here specifically preying on solo travellers. One would walk beside you claiming to be a student and wanting to practise their English before politely offering assistance in your search of a particular establishment. If you happen to unwittingly fall for this trick, you would be led somewhere where your valuables will be dispossessed.    

So as my explorative instincts led me around Connaught Place, it wasn’t long before one of these con artists attached himself beside me. He looked around 19 years of age but experienced in the techniques employed to befriend a naive tourist.

Kid: “Your sunglasses are really nice.”

I didn’t bother to reply.

Kid: “Where are you from? Japan?”

Silence.

Kid: “Korea?”

Silence.

Kid: “China?”

Silence.

Kid: “What are you looking for? I can take you.”

Silence.

Kid: “Why you not say anything? I want to talk to you.”

Finally, I couldn’t contain myself, “Well, I don’t want to talk to you, dickhead.”

Kid: “I just want to be your friend. I’m a student.”

“I don’t want any friends, especially you.”

As the kid trudged off, the corner of my eye vigilantly caught him conversing with an accomplice in an orange shirt, and their eyes locking onto my camera bag. My guess is that Orange Guy will track me and then attempt to engage in conversation. As I’d delved into the outer circle of Connaught Place, Orange Guy made his move, neatly sliding through the crowds to position himself beside me.

Orange Guy: “Excuse me sir, do you know the time?”

Me: “No.”

OG: “You don’t have time?”

Me: “No.”

OG: “No time?”

Me: “No time.”

OG: “No watch?”

Me: “Do you see a fucking watch on my wrist, dickhead?”   

Orange Guy then decided it was better to pursue other targets. In India at least, my travelling experiences taught me that anti-politeness acts as a better deterrent to their annoying persistence. And wearing sunglasses to avoid eye contact. Plus totally ignoring them. Another tactic I’d later adopted was to wear earphones and pretend to be listening to music. This is perfect in ignoring and discouraging street vendors and touts from approaching you. However, it can be counter-productive in that potential thieves believe you are in possession of a mp3 player/mobile/ipod worth stealing.   

Right beside this road opposite Central Park is a prepaid booth for taxis and autorickshaws.

I’d took one to transport me to see the Qutb Minar. The duration of the journey was 45 minutes by which time the sun was beginning to set.

Info on the Qutb Minar. Due to the large number of people reading this tab, I’d had to shoot it quickly so my apologies for the bottom part being out of focus.

The Qutb Minar victory tower is 73 metres (240 feet) high to commemorate the defeat of the last Hindu kingdom in Delhi. It has five distinctive storeys with the first three made of red sandstone and the fourth and fifth storeys of marble and sandstone.

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

For some unknown reason, these girls ask me to take their picture with my camera.

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex

Inside the Qutb Minar complex – the Alai Minar

Info on the Alai Minar

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Advice For Daughters

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

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Cat Lending A Hand