Dealbreaker

The notion of a “dealbreaker” in a dating situation seems to be an alien concept here in the UK. As far as I know, it’s an American creation. Anything you do whilst dating can constitute as a dealbreaker – an act or a behaviour that will, in the mind of that person you’re dating, be used as the excuse to end it. It could be anything – the way you talk, walk, eat, laugh, shop, dress, leaving the toilet seat up/down, taste in music/films, anything. I can’t speak for all Brits, only for myself, and I would take the time to get to know that person, flaws and all, before making any conscious decision to continue dating her.   

What would be your dealbreaker, if any?

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Lucky Sod

One week after I was away on my Asian trip, my colleague Marios discovered that Battlestar Galactica’s (BSG) Grace Park (Boomer/Sharon) was going to be in London for a convention. BSG is pretty popular among alot of my colleagues in my department and Grace Park is the one person from the TV show I would absolutely love to meet! Jealously ran through my veins when I’d returned from holiday to encounter Marios’ smug face. The guy had already met the other lovely ladies from BSG: Tricia Helfer (Number Six) and Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck) and now Grace. I could throttle the guy!

Marios dribbling all over Grace

“Say what? You want me to sign where? I don’t think so.”
 

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Asian Trip: Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, Lijiang, China

Thursday 3rd May 2007 

Jade Dragon Snow Mountain is 5,600 metres (18,400 feet) high with 13 peaks and home to over 6000 plant species, 400 kinds of trees and one third of China’s known species of medicinal herbs and plants. A cable car ride can transport you to 4,506 metres high to play in the snow and view in awe at the glaciers. Unfortunately for me, due to the high volume of local tourists during Labour Day week, tickets for that cable car ride for the entire day were sold out. At 9 o’clock in the morning! The next best thing was a cable car up to Spruce Plateau at an altitude of 3,100 metres.

After meeting Han, Jiang, Obei and Shirley in the Old Town, we set off to look for a driver to transport us to the Mountain. Han managed to negotiate a fee of only RMB100 for a round trip to the Mountain for the five of us! For a foreign tourist like Shirley and myself, I would have been expecting to pay in the region of RMB500 per person.
 

Toll fee for entrance to the Mountain

Jade Dragon Snow Mountain from a distance

As close as my camera lens could reach

Our driver paying the toll fee

We’d disembarked at the Transport Terminal to pay for tickets and to board an official bus

I’d never seen men’s toilets like these

Hundreds of herbs on sale at the Terminal

Are those cowboys browsing something that resemble dried turd?

Waiting to board the cable car: Han, Jiang, Obei and Shirley

The view waiting in line

Corn-on-the-cob is a pretty popular snack – just don’t smile afterwards

During the process of queuing, the waiting tourists were either entertained or tortured depending on your taste in music. Personally, it was worse than listening to nails scratching on a blackboard.

The word being obscured read “Horrorific”. Still doesn’t make any sense though.

The godawful music coupled with his goddamn singing were extremely horrorific!

Upon arrival at Spruce Plateau, Han immediately reached for some oxygen. Not really required.

While Obei tucked into a boiled potato dipped in spices. I’d tried one and it was quite tasty.

Following the trail…

…leading to the meadow. The surroundings, with its roaming horses, goats and yaks, were enchanting and serene.

But I’d would rather be up there

Say “Communism”

Is he auditioning for the next season of Heroes?

Naxi attire. That’s Naxi, not Nazi.

Cable car ferrying up while we headed down

A short bus ride later, we were at White Water River where the melted snow from the Mountain flow down to. 

RMB500 for a ride on a water buffalo as Han demonstrates

The buffalo is lead up to the water terraces and then back again. What a waste of RMB500.

The view from the other side where the river flows to

Heading back to Lijiang

We had a drink at a British pub but we couldn’t decide on a destination for the following day. I’d toyed with the idea of going to Shangri-La but decided such a place of beauty deserves more than a couple of hours to truly appreciate it. Besides, I was bleary from four consecutive days of trekking and a respite was most welcome and paramount for my jaded body.   

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Murphy’s Law For Travel

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

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Speed Limit?

 

Protected Post Up

London Beauty

The Tube (London Underground train system) is usually my mode of transport in the capital but on Sunday mornings when I work the day shifts, the bus is the alternative as the Tube doesn’t run until 7am. The bus journey from my home to the company used to be doused in darkness but last Sunday, it was perfect daylight. And it’d dawned on me as the bus negotiated the near-empty roads with me perched on my window seat gazing out at the passing empty streets and surroundings, London is beautifully scenic. Each road turn revealed environs of architectural buildings each with their own distinctive history dating from decades to centuries. With music gently throbbing my eardrums – my camera phone also incorporates a MP3 player (I love my mobile!) - it was a sweet journey.  

Last night I’d met an old friend who was out with her fiance and former colleagues at a place I’d never been to. The area seemed exemplified by restored buildings housing trendy bars and restaurants and populated by arty and media types. And no sign of tourists anywhere. Perfect. I have to return to try the restaurants, armed with my camera.  

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The Metrosexual Is Dead. Long Live The Retrosexual

According to a London newspaper I was reading the other day, only 3% of women would now want a metrosexual as a partner. “Rather than fashion sensibility, 81% want a man who is dependable with a subtle caring side.” Hmm, I wonder how that would affect two of my friends who spend literally eons in the fitting room when they shop for clothes?

The article continues: “It may sound medieval but 37% of women want a man who would stand up for her in a fight.” I suppose the remaining 63% can beat the living daylights out of the other in a fight.

“A retrosexual man has purpose. All women love a man who is purposeful. He is also fearless. So many men fear women and this is not healthy or particularly attractive. A healthy dominance is good. It is attractive for a man to take control of a situation. A man who does this is certain of himself.” This definitely doesn’t apply to one particular arsehole. Take heed, all you male doormats of this world. There’s absolutely no hope for you at all!

“Relationship expert Tony Vee believes many men fall down by not being in control of a dating situation. A man who is pleasing is just trying to get you. He thinks that by being nice, a woman will like him more, but most women don’t go for pleasers. What would you prefer? A man who calls you and says ‘Where do you want to go tonight?’ or a man who says, ‘Put on something gorgeous, I’m taking you somewhere really special?’” Like a fast-food joint. In my own personal experience, more often than not my female friends know the best restaurants to eat more than the guys. So Mr. Vee, am I right to assume that according to your so-called expertise, a woman wouldn’t want a man to please her in bed? Would I also be right to assume you wouldn’t even know how to please a woman in bed?   

The Do’s And Don’ts of a Retrosexual

1. Don’t consult her over the first three dates. Organise them yourself. I suppose that it wouldn’t matter by the fourth date as you would have done her by then??

2. Do conceal penchants for facials and manicures for a couple of months. She’s letting you believe she’s naturally beautiful so do the same. Unless she thinks she is dating a complete idiot who believes women don’t ever employ the use of cosmetic products.

3. Don’t see dates as spaces to pour your heart out. She doesn’t know you well enough to really care. Any guy who does might be a cheapskate as it is considerably cheaper than therapy.

4. Don’t look too styled – for pub dates, jeans and a semi-fitted T-shirt will do. No asymmetrical haircuts or highlights. Guys who would take a girl to a pub for a date generally have no style anyway.

5. Do make sure she gets home in one piece. Show her chivalry is not dead. And how would you get home yourself, especially if she lives miles away? Ask if you could crash at her place for the night? That might be a good idea!  

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Asian Trip: Tiger Leaping Gorge, Lijiang, China

Wednesday 2nd May 2007

The previous night I’d managed to book a day trip to Tiger Leaping Gorge with a local Naxi travel agency rather than one run by the Han Chinese. The only problem was ensuring that their sole limited English speaking agent unequivocably understood I wanted the one day trip and not the two which includes an overnight stay. The meeting time was eight o’clock in the morning and around twelve people had gathered. An estimated 95% of the tourists in Lijiang are Mainlanders or are of Asian origin with the rest Caucasians. In my trekking group, there was only one Caucasian: a woman in her late 40′s or early 50′s. Aside from the two guides, she’d appearred to be the only other one speaking English.

During the three hour journey to the Gorge, I’d chatted to this woman. Her name is Shirley, lives near Vancouver and has been travelling in Asia for about two months, most of them with friends and her two daughters. We’d exchanged travel stories and she’d managed to convince me to visit Laos one day. Taiwan, Nepal and India are the only remaining countries left on my to-see list for Asia. Indonesia and Burma hold no interest or any appeal to me. Naturally, I’d interrogated Shirley about Vancouver and the surrounding areas for a planned trip there next year.

Click on pics to enlarge  

The first stop was to a temple near the edge of a cliff.

This was when I’d regretted not being able to purchase a wide-angle lens during my one day stay in Hong Kong.

Second stop was to a market

The tiny juicy tomatoes and strawberries are in abundant supply in Lijiang and are sold everywhere

A spaceship has landed!

A view to the top

The precipitous gorge behind me with the fast-flowing Golden Sands (Jingsha) River

Out of sight in the picture but to the right are guesthouses where we had lunch 

Then it was onward to the trek down to Tiger Leaping Gorge

Hundreds of tourists appearring like ants

My group

Although the trek was downwards, it was exhausting due to the heat and high altitude

Made it

The picture fails to capture the ferocity of the rushing Jingsha River. If you fall in then it’s bye-bye, nice knowing ya.

The narrowest point of the Gorge where I was informed that according to ancient legend, a tiger leaped from one end to the other hence the name.

I had to snap the sign quickly as the no-mannered Mainlanders do not understand the concept of queuing or not blocking a photographer’s shot. So when in Rome…

The worst part of the trek was going back up!

Pic taken with camera phone

Evidently, there were a few locals on the trail touting for business to carry tourists up the gorge. This woman was arguing after the locals only carried her up to this point. 

Pic taken with camera phone

They were telling her to hire a pony to complete the climb…which she did.

My group headed out in the mini-bus just as heavy rain and strong winds arrived. I was commenting to Shirley about how dangerous the trek would be if we had got caught in the sudden change. The trail is steep and would become muddy and slippery in the rain. If you slip and fall into the Jingsha River…

It transpired that there were a couple of tourists who could speak English in my group. Han, who is from Beijing, her boyfriend, Jiang, from Singapore, and a Korean working in China who is also a keen photographer. With another local, Bei, who is English challenged, Han suggested we go to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain the following day as it would work out cheaper as a group. At a stroke, Han solved my problem of how to get to see the Mountain.  

Upon returning to Lijiang I was eager to photograph the Old Town at night 

Most of the Old Town illuminates a hue of crimson at night with even more tourists gathering as they return from their day trips

Restaurants beside the canal

Candle lit lanterns on sale for making a wish before releasing it down the canal. I’d wished for winning the lottery and being Jessica Alba’s male bitch plaything. 

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Never Lie To Your Mother

A young man called Alan invited his mother for dinner.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome Alan’s flatmate, Peter, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Alan and his flatmate than meets the eye.

Reading his mum’s thoughts, Alan volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Peter and I are just flatmates”.

About a week later, Peter came to Alan saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the frying pan, you don’t suppose she took it do you?”

“Well I doubt it, but I’ll e-mail her just to be sure,” said Alan.

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I’m not saying that you “did” take the frying pan from my house, but I’m not saying you “did not” take the frying pan, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love
Alan 

Several days later, Alan received an email from his mother which read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Peter, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with Peter, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the fucking frying pan by now!

Love
Mother 

Lesson of the day: Never lie to your Mother!

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Porn Deterrent?

 

Plush For An Evening

Or should that be flush? As in the feeling like being flushed with cash when I’d spent an evening at a plush restaurant during my time in Liverpool last week. The restaurant and bar in question is the London Carriage Works, part of the Hope Street Hotel which can claim the US State Secretary Condoleezza Rice as a patron.  

I didn’t take my DSLR camera to Liverpool so the pictures were taken with my camera phone.

On the way to the restaurant, Ngy and I passed this intriguing building. As my hometown will be the European Capital City of Culture in 2008, an enormous amount of construction has been taking place for the past few years. One apparition resulting from the work is this “Bling Bling” building, the new hairdressing flagship home of stylist Herbert Howe. Designed by architect Piers Gough, it will house a salon and hairdressing academy along with retail and office space.    

The London Carriage Works, rather uninspiring on the outside…

But totally different on the inside

After ordering our starters and main courses, we were served these in addition to the usual complimentary portion of bread.

Crackers, prawns in tiny tins and cold pea soup in a slammer glass. Quite delicious.

Ngy and Des had the lamb as their appetiser

I had the seared blue fin tuna…

…and the chicken with dry cure bacon, pea puree, spatzle and onion foam.

Ngy had the John Dory fish

Des chose the duroc pork

After ordering dessert, we were served this complimentary concoction of elderflower and ice cream

I had this sumptuous serving of toffee roasted pear with pear crisps, coulis and salted caramel ice cream

Ngy picked the unusual but surprisingly delicious blend of blackcurrant tart with liquorice ice cream

And Des was served a rather meagre portion of orange and pink grapefruit jelly with orange sponge and grapefruit confit

Then we were served these to accompany our tea and coffee

The bill, including a bottle of chardonnay and mineral water totalled £198 excluding tip for the three of us. It was a lot cheaper than it would cost in London.

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Asia Trip: Lijiang, China

Tuesday 1st May 2007

The main attraction of Yunnan Province is the town of Lijiang. After part of the town was destroyed by an earthquake in 1996 and rebuilt, it has since been registered as a UNESCO World Heritage site. Lijiang consist of the old town which has a history dating back 800 years which is the primary attraction and the new town built next to it. The other major attractions are Tiger Leaping Gorge and Jade Dragon Snow Mountain.

I have an unintentional tendency to travel to countries during their national holidays and international events. Today was Chinese Labour Day marking a week off for the majority of its citizens. Thousands more than usual descended to Lijiang to spend their national holiday.

Click on pics to enlarge

The view from my hotel window with Jade Dragon Snow Mountain looming in the horizon.

What I’d saw en route from my hotel in the new town to the old town.

Main entrance into the old town

Wall designating Lijiang’s old town as an UNESCO World Heritage site 

The heaving crowds coupled with the blistering sun and oppressive heat were excessively stifling, leading me to head away from the old town. In search of sunblock. Especially as I’d got sunburned the previous day in the Stone Forest. On the way I’d passed a group of native Naxi inhabitants so naturally I’d snapped them.  

After employing the use of sign language in order for the store assistance to understand – point to sunshine outside then point to sunburned skin, assistant use calculator to display price – I’d wandered off the beaten track and stumbled upon this sight.

Giant toy on the loose

Chairman Mao Tse Tung: mass-murderer

“Anyone who disagree with me will be sent to the labour camps or be executed”

By mid-afternoon I’d returned to the old town and saw wind chimes on sale. Lots of them.

Naxi people performing a traditional dance

Local cuisine

Most of the Chinese tea are grown in the Yunnan Province and numerous tea shops litter the old town.

The entire old town is just full of gift shops with the majority run by the Han Chinese who’d moved in after the restoration, driving out the Naxi locals resulting in a loss of its charm. Rather like London’s Chinatown during the last couple of years with the unwanted invasion of the Mainlanders.

Just what did he kill to wear on his head?

A depressed-looking horse. Probably underpaid. Extremely underpaid.

Restaurants galore. During the evening, the locals band outside to out-sing each other in vivacious fashion.

During the duration of my stay in Lijiang, this little girl would be spinning herself from late afternoon until late at night for money.

After I’d dropped some money into the box, she’d stopped spinning to thank me. How cute.

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Men Jokes

Why don’t men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, “I don’t know.”
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, “Ohhhhhh.”

Why are vibrators better than men?
Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don’t have to do their laundry!

How does a man keep his youth?
By giving them money, furs and diamonds.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.

Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it’s never used.

What do UFO’s and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

Why don’t women like basketball players as lovers?
Because they dribble before they shoot.

What’s the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
In the pages of a romance novel.

When does a man develop a brain?
The day he gets married.

How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig?
He thinks “harass” is two words

What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man?
A Myth.

Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don’t you?

“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

How does the single woman get rid of roaches?
She asks them for a commitment.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
“What men know about women.”

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A.One – men will screw anything.
B.One – men will screw up anything.
C.Five – one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

What is a man’s idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

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Too Curious Cat

 

Anyone Been To Tijuana?

Has anyone ever visited the Mexican bordertown? If so, what is it like in your opinion? Is it worth spending more than a day there or should one catch the last trolley/train back to San Diego?

Anyway, I’m back at work after spending a few days in my hometown of Liverpool. There is still a heap of photos to sort out from my last trip in order to update my posts but I’m already planning my next trip with friends. And the one after that.

On a sad note, on a literal and figurative level, I’d learned yesterday that the hot and gorgeous Asian receptionist at my company will be leaving. Yes, all the straight guys are in mourning. After a hard and dreary commute to work, the receptionist instantly brightens our day as we pass by. Lizzie, you will sorely be missed. Good luck to you because I’d always knew your talents befit a position more promising than that of a receptionist.

 

To Smoke Or Not To Smoke?

That is the question. To be more specific, if you enter into a relationship with someone who is a non-smoker, and you’re the one with the filthy habit, would you endeavour to quit for him/her? It’s all very well to step outside the vicinity for a puff but the unmistakeable pungent aroma of tobacco will linger long after the cigarette is snuffed out.

And if you don’t want to kick the addiction, how much of a strain will it place on the relationship?

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Asian Trip: Kunming, China

Sunday 29th April 2007

Late night to bed, early morning rise. It was an interesting Saturday night as I was taken to a couple of local bars by the hotel receptionist who spoke the best English. He was on his way out as I’d returned to the hotel and as he’d fancied a drink, I was asked to accompany him. No surprise then that the majority of bars were of the karaoke variety. Beer drinkers will be thrilled to learn that a standard size bottle of the local brew in China is about three times the size of one anywhere else. And it only cost RMB10 – roughly 70 pence or US$1.30 (at least in Kunming)!

The lure of breakfast was too difficult to resist with the added incentive of it being inclusive of the price of the room. I was hopelessly glad I didn’t miss it because the range on offer was astounding. The Western variety consisted of American and European continental style that include cakes, mango pudding and strawberry juice. The Asian side offered local noodles, congee, fried rice, dim sum and sushi. Besides, another visit to the Camellia Hotel was required in order to book a trip to the Stone Forest for the following day. When I’d arrived there, I was told to come back at 6.30pm to purchase the ticket.     

All pics below taken with camera phone

Early morning tai chi

Mopeds and bicycles tend to trawl the pavements in Kunming and these security guards are deployed in the main square in Dong Feng Road to prevent them from entering the zone.

A distinctive design with a colonial European flavour  

Shops with interesting architecture

Skewers containing various meats for grilling are quite popular in Yunnan

Food court – ideal for trying a variety of different local cuisine

It helps if you can speak Mandarin or can read some Chinese because there is nothing in English. Alternatively, just point and hope for the best.

Kunming apparently has duck with various and distinctive flavours. This stall housed some interesting poultry and some other meats which I couldn’t identify. This pic was stealthily taken as photo-taking was frowned upon.

Main square in the Jinmabiji area.

Right nearby is the Hump Guesthouse. The Hump bar is situated on the ground floor beneath this sign. The entrance to the hostel itself is around the corner and up a couple of flight of stairs. The cafe inside is pretty laid-back with a roof terrace and internet terminals are available at RMB3 an hour.  

Lost in translation: don’t they mean My Favourite Cafe? There is also a My Favour Restaurant and a My Favour Coffee in the same building.

Why be modest #1

Why be modest #2

After lunch, I’d took a nap back at the hotel and didn’t wake up until 7pm! The travel agent inside the Cameilla Hotel was well and truly closed. The alternative method to purchase the ticket to the Stone Forest was to just turn up tomorrow morning before the bus departs at 9am.

A parade was held further down Dong Feng Road at around 9pm to promote and celebrate the various ethnic people in Yunnan. Traditional attire were donned by the participants amid the colourful floats in the promotion of tourism in the Province. Unfortunately, I had annoyingly left my mobile phone at the hotel so no photographs could be shot.   

Monday 30th April 2007

Stone Forest, Kunming

I’d arrived at the Camellia Hotel at 8.30am and the travel agency inside was already open. In fact, all the travel agencies I’d passed along the way were all opened for business. RMB70 bought me a round-trip ticket to the Stone Forest only. Admission is extra at the rate of RMB140.

My travelling companions consisted of a Canadian named Mark who taught English in China, a Frenchman who has been working in China for a French chemical company for the past two years and who could speak fluent Mandarin, his French friend who was visiting him, and another French couple who were snuggled comfortably at the back of the mini-bus. During the two hour journey my conversation was mainly with Mark who I’d learnt originated from Vancouver and who was providing an education on places to see in and around the British Columbia state. I plan to combine San Francisco and Vancouver as one trip either later this year or next.

The Stone Forest was formed through a process of adverse weather and erosion resulting in stone pillars and boulders that looked like they sprung from the ground.

Traditional costumes can be hired for photographic excursions

The ethinic Sani people are inhabitants of the Stone Forest selling souvenirs to the mostly Chinese Han tourists.  

Mark being sold some souvenirs

After two hours of wandering around, the rocks all began to look the same so Mark and I headed out to grab a late lunch. When I’d returned to Kunming, there was a dress rehearsal for the show on Labour Day the next day on the erected stage on the main square.

Once I’d returned to the hotel, I saw my reflection in the bathroom and noticed my face and neck were sunburnt. It doesn’t mode well for my trip to Lijiang the following day.  

If you love Asia and all that it offers, come and join my blogring!

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Death Money

There was a man who had worked all of his life, he had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it!”

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A Man’s Reason For Beer

 

 

Bank holiday weekend.

Woohoo!

Still writing the update during my breaks at work.

 

I Love Blueberry Too

Mostly muffins and pies. Wong Kar Wai’s first English language film, My Blueberry Nights, premiered at the Cannes Film Festival on Wednesday evening. I am quite excited by it. The film has an ensemble cast in Norah Jones, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Rachel Weisz, and Tim Roth.

Although some people were surprised by the casting of musician Norah Jones in her first movie role, and a major one at that, it seems fitting for a director of Wong Kai War’s reputation and calibre. After all, Wong Kar Wai cast a Chinese singer in one of his early films, Chungking Express, in the shape of Faye Wong in her first prominent role and Norah Jones is just the mirror in the English language version.

As always in Wong Kar Wai’s films, the cinematography is exceptional and exquisite. And judging from the movie stills My Blueberry Nights continues in the same vein. However, I was surprised to learn that the cinematographer for the film wasn’t long time collaborator Christopher Doyle but Darius Khondji. I imagine this will mark the first of many English language films directed by Wong Kar Wai as funding shouldn’t be a problem considering the amount of A-list Hollywood stars who want to work with him.

Enjoy foreign films? Then come and join my blogring!

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Asian Trip: Kunming, China

Friday 27th April 2007

Arrived in Hong Kong in the evening. J2 accompanied me to Mongkok to buy the Sigma 10-20mm wide angle lens for my DSLR only for me to discover the reputable camera shops were either sold out or didn’t stock it! I was gutted.

J2 and I had dinner at a Swiss restaurant. It was one of those clever restaurants that charge you to cook your own food from their menu. Brilliant!  

Saturday 28th April 2007

This being my first foray to the Motherland, I had wanted to visit somewhere off the beaten track instead of going to the popular destinations such as Beijing and Shanghai. My friend in London, J, suggested Yunnan as he had backpacked the region late last year. After much in-depth researching, seven nights were allocated to spend in Yunnan. Lijiang and Dali were the main attractions. Unfortunately, there are no direct flights to Lijiang from HK, only via Kunming. And to reach Dali would entail a eight hour bus journey which wasn’t at all appealing. So Dali was dropped from the itinerary and Kunming took its place. Might as well spend a couple of days in the capital of Yunnan Province since I have to fly there.

During my research on Yunnan, it was discovered that it has the highest rate of HIV in all of the provinces in China due to the high number of heroin addicts. This is due to it’s border proximity with the Golden Triangle – Laos, Burma (Myanmar) and Thailand – with heroin being smuggled through Yunnan. This equate to a rising crime rate as the addicts sought ways to finance their next fix, mainly through robbery. Still, I was undeterred.   

As most of the locals in Kunming don’t know any English, I had my travel agent in HK write the name and address of my hotels in Chinese when the package was booked and printed it out prior to departure. J had warned me about the need to learn a few words of basic Mandarin as the locals will ignore any Asians without a grasp of their language. My flatmate is a Mainlander so I’d recorded him speaking some phrases on my mobile phone should I ever need them. I have experience of travelling in Japan and South Korea where the locals don’t know any English so China will be no different.   

As I’d waited for my luggage upon arrival at Kunming International Airport, it didn’t escape my notice that the city is an extremely popular destination for golf aficionados judging by the amount of golf club bags ferrying around on the baggage carousel.

All pics taken with camera phone. Click on pic to enlarge.

Like most countries in Asia, there were touts at the exit of the airport vying for a tourist to rip off. I’d just ignored them all and headed straight to the taxi rank and showed the driver the address of my hotel. J had regaled an anecdote whereby two taxi drivers ignored him and drove on as he struggled to pronounce the address of his hotel correctly in Mandarin. Each taxi in Kunming has a sign designating an animal and a number for easy identification should anything happen.  

Pic taken with DSLR camera

I’d stayed at the four star New Ear Hotel and a couple of the staff had a basic knowledge of English but there was one guy who could speak the language pretty well. The bedroom and the layout was quite impressive.  

Pic taken with DSLR camera

I’d decided to leave the DSLR behind in the safe deposit box and headed out to browse the surroundings. This sign was being erected under the gaze of a mosque.

I’d headed pass the sign where street stalls were also being erected. Then I’d saw this.

So I’d walked under to see where it led.

And it led to a glimpse of local life.

And local food.

I’d then backtracked and walked along Dong Feng Road, the focal point of high street shopping and this pond. Notice in the background a stage being erected.

The pond is where large colourful fishes congregate to gossip and feed on free food.

“Keep still. It will only take a century to take a picture.”

Oh, what’s this?

Oh, more fish.

I’d continued walking along Dong Feng Road, which incidentally is a very long road, and stumbled upon this tourist couple. The female was unsurprisingly attracting alot of attention with her green hair.

Kunming is not a tourist friendly city but there are establishments that cater for the Mandarin challenged folks like myself such as this cafe. There is also a helpful ticket office next door.  

The two star Camellia Hotel is a popular accommodation haunt for foreigners on a budget and for backpackers as it also house a youth hostel. My backpacking days are behind me as I much prefer my creature comforts.  

More significantly, the Camellia Hotel has a ticket office to assist foreigners with travel arrangements including drop-offs at the bus and train station.

The lobby of the Camellia Hotel. A travel agent is also located inside where I wanted to enquire about trips to the Stone Forest. Unfortunately, the agency was closed for the day.

Another tourist friendly establishment for those who want food and a drink.

“I’m taller than you.”

The changing face of Communist China – a mall housing only designer stores.

I’d had a browse inside and every shop assistant was eyeing my clothes, footwear and watch to gauge whether their products are within my budget. The products on sale were actually more expensive than in HK and in the UK, a testament to the emptiness of the mall. I think there were only about five customers walking around.   

It appeared that the celebrations were being decorated for the Kunming International Tourism Festival.

There were an awful lot of small dogs, like this one, in the city. Apparently, J told me there are a couple of restaurants that sell dog meat.

After four hours of relentlessly walking around, I’d retired back to the hotel.  

If you love Asia and all that it offers, come and join my blogring!

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Generous Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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Balcony With The Best Support

Catching Up

I know some of you are waiting patiently to see the pictures of my trip and I will endeavour to post them as soon as I can. After two weeks away there is a backlog of stuff to catch up on. I love you all and thank you for your patience.

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A Right ArseHo

It is not normal for me to post a damning censure of someone I know, especially a former friend, but in this case I will make an exception. And I’m doing so in honour of those people who are less fortunate and cursed with the inability to fight back against bullies. Some of us have been picked on and bullied during our tenure in school and some have the misfortune to experience such scum in the workplace.

In my case, I can take it. And dish it back.

His name is Alan Ho. Otherwise known as ArseHo. Or Goofy. And yes, he is really that ugly. Both externally and internally. No amount of cosmetic surgery can fix that physically. What about internally? Will he have a shot at redemption and see the errors of his ways? There’s more chance of winning the lottery. To reiterate what I told my close friends: a piece of shit will always remain a piece of shit. A turd doesn’t magically transform into a fragrant flower. While everyone in our social circle are maturing to reflect our age (although most of us are still young at heart), he is still trapped at the schoolyard level. He is the epitome of a son you would dread having.

ArseHo has been harbouring a huge chip on his shoulder for a long time and shows no sign of it abating. He feels the need to validate his low self-esteem and sad, pathetic existence by bragging about how he built his own house and how much it is worth, and picking on people and belittling them. Like me. But like I mentioned, I can take it and dish it back. However, I don’t feel the need to retort as it would mean stooping down to his immature level. He’d insulted the intregrity of my ex-girlfriend on a football forum purely on the basis of her nationality (he couldn’t even get that right) and I could have responded in kind about his “wife” (did she really marry him for his good looks and sparkling personality?) but why bother? His actions only demonstrate the insecurity of an obtuse and bitter infantile. Besides, he’d crossed the line and the gloves are now off. A friend pointed out ArseHo is just jealous of my lifestyle.

Unsurprisingly, ArseHo has no respect for others, including his friends. When he wasn’t asked to be a Hing Dai (Chinese equivalent of a page boy) by a friend getting married, he’d imposed himself to be one on the day of the wedding, and generally pissed a lot of people off on what should have been a happy occasion. Utterly disrespectful.   

ArseHo thinks he is funny with his belittling of people but in reality he’s as funny as a plank of wood. His ability for put-downs is perhaps his only talent as he is absolutely talentless in anything else. It wouldn’t be surprising if that includes the bedroom. 

He called me a fag but the truth is I am more of a man than he ever will be or hope to be. One person wears the trousers in his marriage and it certainly isn’t him. I’m glad ArseHo is not my friend as I would be deeply ashamed to be associated with such a poor excuse for a human being. I feel so sorry for him. Actually, I should feel sorry for his parents for bestowing such a retard onto the planet. The Earth is polluted enough already.

The question of my stooping down to his level sprang to mind as I wrote this. Maybe I have. But only for the duration of writing this piece. I know I will feel bad afterwards for drafting this post but I can take solace that once the emotion has passed, I can return to being the person I want to be instead of this vindictive ogre. Perhaps ArseHo will finally make a purposeful contribution to society by being run over by a bus. Lord knows the world will be a much better place with one less piece of shit. 

One can only hope.

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Genie In A Bottle

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.”

The man says “Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates. 

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New Brakes Required

 

 

I’m Back

Xanga is blocked in the country that I was visiting, can you believe that?! I couldn’t access the site along with the BBC website until I’d returned to Hong Kong. Only viadolorosa, san san tong and tynnad guessed correctly where I was, considering it was my first foray into the Motherland: China.

I didn’t want my first visit to China to be to the usual tourist spots such as Beijing and Shanghai, and upon a friend’s suggestion I’d headed to the Yunnan Province to the capital Kunming and to breathtaking Lijiang.

I’d arrived back in London today having taken nearly 400 photos on this trip so that will take a lot of time to sort out. Tomorrow I will be back at work so hopefully I can blog about the trip in the next few days.

Meanwhile, people who do not have a xanga account can now leave comments so please feel free to do so!